...

I've been feeling really self-conscious lately. I really don't know where, because there can be about a hundred things that make me the way I am. For instance, one of my friends is always tearing herself down on the phone to me and talking about her lack of confidence, which just makes me look in the mirror and think, "if she has all these things wrong with her, I have to be even worse", or something like that. And then there are days where I am complete opposite, where I feel just beautiful and like some weight is lifted off me an I can just eat and wear whatever I want and still feel great.. and I love those days. The only bad ting is they are ended by my dad or someone mentioning my weight. My dad has just become obsessed with my health and it's like he wants me to be a rail or something. He's always pushing me to the gym or on a walk or the bike, just driving me nuts with his "fat talk". I know it's nice for him to worry about my health, because I don't want heart problems or anything that could be caused by my weight, but come on, I'm not that bad. I don't need to be under this constant surveillance to see what i'm eating and how i'm working out and reminding of what I don't look like. To make matters worse, my grandparents (from my mom's side) are coming in August and staying til school starts. I can not remember the last time they called me pretty, or nice or anything. What I do remember is them ranting what else, my weight, even to go as far as telling me to just stop eating. And for the most part, I have been able to ignore it and them, but some things are so hard to forget. They were the ones who first kinda pointed out my problem. Is it even a problem? I accept that I'm overweight, and that i'm not the prettiest girl around. They should be just happy that I haven't been imagining myself as some size 3 bimbo barbie or something, you know? Of course i want to be skinny, but if i can't do that, then oh well. I'm decent and average, and that's good with me. It's not like i plan to be Ms. America or something, i just want to be normal. Ugh I just pray August will go by so fast and I'll be back in school and be able to escape the critisism for the few hours i'm not home.
At least my birthday is coming up. I hope the girls can come on over and party with me. August 1st bitches, don't forget. :P
---lots (and i mean tons) of love and kisses and hugs... <3 Frances---